Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Best Outlet To Exist Ever!

It's simple really. Today I discovered that I can vacuum my entire apartment by plugging my vacuum into one outlet and one outlet only.

We'll call this my Houseboat:

I promise Houseboat isn't this boring looking. This is as accurate as a layout as I can get with my experience in The Sims tho. Let us just accept this shitty drawing as my home and move on.

So, Houseboat has close to a billion outlets. I will highlight them in bright pink for you.

Since I've moved into Houseboat I have used every outlet to vacuum and have gotten pretty close to never having to unplug once. I actually never even thought it was possible. Or even thought about achieving this goal for that matter. Until today when it happened.
But before I can tell you which outlet is the one outlet to rule them all, you need to understand one thing. You see, vacuuming in Houseboat isn't an easy task. Not only do I already think vacuuming is super annoying; but I have HedgeDog to deal with as well.

This happens every time I have to unplug and restart the vacuum. As you can imagine this gets really annoying really quickly. So the simple task of having to unplug the vacuum turns into having to go through the growling and barking process all over again.

But then I found this:

When I found what I found I did not realize that it was in fact, the best outlet to ever be made. But then something happened in the mist of all the barking. My vacuum made it around the entire house! Without needing to be unplugged once!
In the end (when I realized what had just happened) my path looked something like this.

This may be no big feat, yet... somehow I felt as if I came out on top when I was done.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

One HedgeDog To Rule Them All

In getting to know who I am you must also know my family. Although, meeting my entire family at once could be a bit overwhelming. So I've decided to start with the most important part of my family.

My dog.

I've only known my dog for an estimate of five years. Five years usually isn't long enough to be considered the most important in anything. And considering my dog is only five years old, she REALLY shouldn't have very much pull. But somehow she has made it to the top of the list.

I like to think that she was rustling around in the hedges one evening and she slipped on a wet leaf and I caught her and we were the perfect match for each other and we lived happily ever after.

Unfortunately that was not the case and it took me some time to get use to this dog from within the hedges. When I met HedgeDog I guess you could say that didn't like her very much. In fact, the only reason I bought her was because the other dog who was my first choice had a dick of a sales employee. So Other Dog was quickly out of the equation and HedgeDog was bought.

Over the next few days I slowly began to fall in love with HedgeDog. She became my little ball of joy.

The tallest bar in my bar graph.

My slice of the pie if you will.

The more time I spent with HedgeDog the more I started to have suspicious thoughts that maybe an evil walrus with an eye patch took a DNA sample of mine and made a clone of me in dog form.

And although it seemed to be a wild suspicion.... it was and still is the most logical thing that could have possibly happened for us to be so similar. The similarities vary of course, however, some that I have noticed to be the most obvious are as follows and in no particular order:

How HedgeDog escaped the walruses evil lab I may never know. It seems to be a soar subject for her. But what I do know is that I'm happy she did.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Shitty Drawings Are Shitty. It's Nice To Meet You Too.

Sometimes I do things that don't always make sense. For instance, I drew this picture of a dinosaur.

But I draw this dinosaur quite often so that isn't really the weird part. The weird part is also not that this dinosaur does not have a tail. I am fully aware that it should. However, this one does not. The weird part is that based off this particular dinosaur drawing I've created an entire story in my tiny brain about this dinosaur.  Except I didn't really create an entire story.  I've just kind of decided that this dinosaur is me. And me.... I mean dinosaur ... I mean I.... have a story to tell.

So when the future becomes the future and so on and so forth you can refer to this dinosaur as Jax. She is friendly I promise. She is also super sarcastic so don't be surprised if you don't always like what comes out of her dinosaur mouth.

With that being said I am tired, as most dinosaurs tend to get after working a ten hour shift.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

10 Things Skyrim Has Taught Me

1. There is never ever, ever, ever, EVER a good time to dilly dally.
"Oh a flower!"
"Oh a dead fox."
"Oh cool things I can put in my gigantic pocket."
They are everywhere even when they are nowhere. You've been warned.

2. If you're carrying too many things, suck it up and drink a strength potion.
Stop polluting! Just fast travel somewhere and sell that shit!

3. People will only want to marry you if you have cool bling.
I mean.... yeah. Now go buy a fancy 300 dollar watch.

4. You can take whatever you want from a store.
So long as you nearly kill yourself trying to get them something they want.
"You want some free cheese for the rest of your life? Just go kill 10,000 zombies in a dark cave and get some shitty ring I lost years ago."
Seems fair....

5. Collecting random things around the world will in fact be useful as long as you have an alchemy table.
Sunflowers... check
Soda cap... check
Empty ketchup bottle... check
Dog shit... check
Fragments of broken glass... check
Congratulations! You've got yourself a 3000xp health potion! Drink up!

6. Why the fuck are you walking everywhere? Fast travel is real!

7. Every cat or lizard is an asshole!
Idk why. That's just the way life works I guess.

9. Stealing souls solves everything.
Need an enchanted rain coat? Steal your dogs soul!
Need to learn a shout? Just find a dragon and steal it's soul!
Need sneaky boots to steal money from your parents? Steal a giants soul!
Hate that guy that cut you off last week and want to prove a point? Just steal his soul and turn it into a necklace so everyone knows not to fuck with you!

10. Jumping off high cliffs will in fact kill you!
Who knew right!