Tuesday, September 4, 2012

10 Things Skyrim Has Taught Me


1. There is never ever, ever, ever, EVER a good time to dilly dally.
"Oh a flower!"
DRAGON!
"Oh a dead fox."
DRAGON!
"Oh cool things I can put in my gigantic pocket."
FUCKING....DRAGON!
They are everywhere even when they are nowhere. You've been warned.

2. If you're carrying too many things, suck it up and drink a strength potion.
Stop polluting! Just fast travel somewhere and sell that shit!

3. People will only want to marry you if you have cool bling.
I mean.... yeah. Now go buy a fancy 300 dollar watch.

4. You can take whatever you want from a store.
So long as you nearly kill yourself trying to get them something they want.
"You want some free cheese for the rest of your life? Just go kill 10,000 zombies in a dark cave and get some shitty ring I lost years ago."
Seems fair....

5. Collecting random things around the world will in fact be useful as long as you have an alchemy table.
Sunflowers... check
Soda cap... check
Empty ketchup bottle... check
Dog shit... check
Fragments of broken glass... check
Congratulations! You've got yourself a 3000xp health potion! Drink up!

6. Why the fuck are you walking everywhere? Fast travel is real!

7. Every cat or lizard is an asshole!
Idk why. That's just the way life works I guess.

9. Stealing souls solves everything.
Need an enchanted rain coat? Steal your dogs soul!
Need to learn a shout? Just find a dragon and steal it's soul!
Need sneaky boots to steal money from your parents? Steal a giants soul!
Hate that guy that cut you off last week and want to prove a point? Just steal his soul and turn it into a necklace so everyone knows not to fuck with you!

10. Jumping off high cliffs will in fact kill you!
Who knew right!


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