Monday, June 9, 2014

Professional Bullshitter

Working hard doesn't necessarily mean hating what you do. Learning something doesn't necessarily mean having to learn everything. And doing something you love doesn't necessarily mean loving every minute of it. I use to think I worked hard most of my life. But I wouldn't really call being a professional bullshitter working hard. I'd call it being a bullshitter.
But as things change and as I actually start establishing myself I find myself actually really, really fucking working. More than I thought humanly possible.
I keep finding myself having to put into perspective how much I actually work. Because I've never actually worked this much and this hard for something. And I say "have to" because a lot of the time it gets to the point where people start to think I'm bailing on them for other things or other people. When in reality, I'm working. Working on anything. Shit... I have so many projects going on right now I just tell people, "I do stuff on the internet." Even if it makes it seem like I do porn or some shit I don't even care anymore. I've stopped trying to explain it really.
The other thing I find myself having to put into perspective is how much I enjoy being busy and how much I fucking love doing what I'm doing. Being so busy that I don't actually know how much time has passed since the Sun went down. So busy that grabbing a drink is going to have to literally be just A drink because, "bro, I have shit to do." So busy that texting you right now just isn't going to happen so get over it. So busy that, fuck it you know what, I actually don't even have time to explain it. And I love it so much that I keep adding more things to do. I love it so much that in fact, you didn't hear this from me but, two videos a day might actually be happening soon.
As I continue what I call my journey I realize how much I've learned and how much I've loved learning it and how much I want to learn more of it. I've come to realize that everything before this moment means nothing and that everything in the future means nothing. But guess what, this moment, right now, like right now right now, it also means nothing. Yet, as the humans we are, we are constantly seeking for something that doesn't mean nothing. And for me, well, that would be to get as far as I can.
About 90% of my time is dedicated to advancing. Advancing to what? I don't know. But advancing none the less. In fact, about 5% of my time is dedicated to ripping my hair out and cursing at electronics because advancing isn't happening. The other 5% of my time is dedicated to acting like as much of a complete moron as possible. Because what the hell else am I suppose to do with it?
I know I ramble a lot. I get it. But this rambling always means something. Maybe not to you. But I've already explained in another post how I don't care about that. This is to help me. Regardless of the fact that I post it for the world to see. And if my ramblings happen to help you in some way... ummm... you're welcome?
Anyways, the somethings and the nothings that may or may not be happening can't really be discussed at the moment. But sometime in the future it can be. Regardless I will continue to work just as hard if not harder. I will continue to put effort into something that drains me via body and mind. Into something that ultimately means nothing, but means a whole lot of something to me. Into something that well, fuck it, it's fucking doing it's fucking job and is fucking helping me with something fucking spectacular and is giving me a reason to not be so goddamn cynical all the fucking time. And yes, I could have totally not cursed in that sentence but it wouldn't have gotten the point across as much as I wanted it to.
I'm getting off track yet again. The entire point of all this guys.... is to work hard. Work so hard at something that people call you crazy. But be fucking good at it. Like for real. Don't be a professional bullshitter.

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